When Home Changes Shape

 Welcome back to Unapologetically Both

Today, we’re talking about a phenomenon every long-term expat and every person starting over knows too well: what happens when 'home' completely changes shape?"

When I first moved to Germany in 2001, “home” was very clear in my mind.

Home was India. Home was familiarity. Family. Language. Food. Noise. Warmth.

Everything I had known growing up.

And Germany? Germany was temporary. At least that’s what I thought.

But then life happened. A quarter-century passed. A marriage ended. I traveled to 46 countries. I learned new languages, took up the ancient rhythms of Bharatnatyam again, and built a massive community of expats here in Heidelberg. And somewhere along that wild journey, the architecture of my life shifted.

In our 20s, we are taught that 'home' is a physical structure. It’s a house, a marriage, a stable, linear path. It’s a box you tick off to prove you’ve arrived. But when you experience a divorce—especially as a first-generation immigrant woman living abroad—that box gets completely shattered.

Suddenly, you look around the room and realize the traditional walls are gone.

For a while, that can feel terrifying. You feel  floating between the India you left behind decades ago and the Germany that still occasionally reminds you that you are an Ausländer. But let me tell you the secret I discovered in the wreckage: when the external structure collapses, you are finally forced to build your foundation inside yourself."

Today, my home doesn’t look like a standard blueprint. It has changed shape to accommodate everything I am. It’s shaped like the cobblestone streets of Heidelberg where I host Meetups and bring lonely strangers together. It’s shaped like the deep, grounding stance of Araimandi ( a dance pose) when I practice Bharatnatyam, connecting me to centuries of Indian heritage. And yes, right now, it’s even shaped like the crisp, unfamiliar syllables of the Korean language I am learning.

Being Unapologetically Both means my home has to be fluid.

I’m no longer torn between two worlds. I am not a fragmented puzzle trying to fit into a German box or an Indian box. I have become the space where both worlds coexist.

being a single, independent woman who has stamped her passport in 46 countries, I’ve realized that my roots aren't planted deep into a single piece of dirt. My roots are like a mangrove—they spread wide, they adapt to the tides, and they hold strong no matter where the storm hits.

If you are navigating a divorce, a major relocation, or just a mid-life realization that the life you built no longer fits you, listen to me: Let it change shape. Don’t fight the shifting walls. Trust the expansion."

home isn’t one country anymore. Maybe home is the life we intentionally create.

If this resonated with your own journey of starting over or living between cultures, come share your thoughts with me or connect with our community in Heidelberg.

stop trying to fit into old spaces. Expand the room.

This is Unapologetically Both.

And this is where we stop trying to fit perfectly into one world…

…and start embracing the beauty of living between many.