The Single Socialite

  welcome to Unapologetically Both.

today, we are talking about something that people often misunderstand completely.

The idea that life somehow becomes smaller after divorce. quieter after 40. And especially lonely as an expat in Germany. If I had an euro for every time an expat told me, 'It is impossible to make deep friends in Germany,' I’d probably be writing this blog post from a private island.

They say Germans are reserved. They say after a certain age, everyone closes their social circles. And they definitely say that if you find yourself single and divorced in your 40s, your social calendar is bound to dry up.

Well, I’ve lived in Germany for exactly 25 years. I am a single, in my 40s, divorced woman, and for the last decade, I have been running Meetup group that bring thousands of international people together right here in Heidelberg. My calendar isn’t dry—it’s overflowing.

Let’s talk about being single in 40s. In a lot of traditional cultures—and yes, my beautiful Indian heritage is highly guilty of this—divorce is often treated like a quiet tragedy. People look at you with a bit of pity, as if your story ended when the marriage did.

But those who know me, you know I don’t follow standard societal scripts.

For me, divorce wasn't a closing door; it was a massive upgrade to my own autonomy. It gave me the keys to my own life. Suddenly, I didn’t have to compromise on how I spent my time, who I invited into my space, or how many countries I wanted to travel to. I had the absolute freedom to curate my own existence. I realized that being alone does not mean being lonely. In fact, it gave me the energy to become a master architect of community."

So, how do you actually build a thriving tribe in a culture that deeply values its privacy?

Over the last 13 years of organizing events, I’ve noticed a universal truth: Everyone is starving for connection, but everyone is terrified of the first 30 seconds of awkwardness. So they walk into rooms wearing what I call an “ice shield.” Looking at their phones. Pretending to be busy. Waiting for someone else to make the first move.

And maybe this is where my extroversion became more than personality. It became a social tool.

Because hosting is not really about booking a table in a restaurant . It’s about creating emotional safety. It’s about bridging worlds. Introducing strangers. Helping people feel seen.

Now, being the 'Socialite of Heidelberg' takes energy. People see me as this powerhouse who speaks four-going-on-five languages, dances Bharatnatyam, and always has a plan. But being Unapologetically Both means recognizing that the public socialite requires a private sanctuary.

I protect my peace fiercely. After hosting an event for 10 or 50 or100 expats, I don't go to another party. I go home. Sometimes I sit quietly learning Korean vocabulary. Sometimes I practice Bharatnatyam rhythms . And honestly, there’s something beautiful about that contrast. Because Bharatnatyam is discipline. Precision. Mathematics through movement. And after a socially loud evening… it brings me back to myself.You do not owe the world a 24/7 performance. Your ability to connect with thousands of strangers is only as strong as your ability to sit comfortably in a room alone with yourself.

So if you’re sitting somewhere today feeling disconnected in a foreign country… I want to leave you with this thought: Stop waiting for invitations. Become the person who sends them.

whatever your unique story is, Share it. Be interesting. Be bold.  If you are in the Baden-Württemberg area, stop scrolling, look up our Heidelberg Meetup groups, and come say hello to me in person.

This is Unapologetically Both.

And this is where we stop apologizing for unconventional lives…

…and start celebrating the richness of building them ourselves.